Do Not Despise the Places Where You Lack

“God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

1 Corinthians 1:27

My Dearest Daughters,

Marriage is not a place for us as human beings to shine—it’s a place for God to shine. Scripture tells us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). This means that the very places where we feel insufficient are the places where His glory is most able to be revealed.

Though in today’s world, it’s an unpopular concept, we should consider that, according to scripture, the woman is the “weaker vessel” (1 Pet. 3:7). She was created after the man (1 Tim. 2:13), to be a helpmeet and support. She, like every creature in God’s design, was given a role of submission (Eph. 5:22-24). Taken through the lens of the world’s thinking—where greatness is defined by power, strength, wealth, or dominance—these passages may seem demeaning to some. But the kingdom of God has been called the “upside-down” kingdom (or better said, the “right-side-up” kingdom). It operates by a different design: “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave” (Matt. 20:26-27). “The greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matt. 23:11).

And so, from that viewpoint, the woman has been entrusted with one of the greatest and most treasured roles. To walk happily and contentedly in this calling, we must first change our thinking.

Consider a puzzle piece. Too many people long to be the entire picture God is painting. But in truth, each of us is only one small part. (1 Cor. 12:27). We all have jagged edges—missing corners where the image seems incomplete. We can look at those gaps and mourn over our lacks . . . or we can say, “This is the exact spot where God will fit me into His design. This is where He will demonstrate His beauty through unity” (1 Cor. 12:18). It is in the joint that His strength shines through.

We only need to be ashamed of our weakness when we refuse to let His strength fill it. But when we are willing, our weakness becomes the very place where His grace enters. (2 Cor. 12:10). Where I end, He begins.

Scripture also tells us that it was the woman who was deceived in the Garden (1 Tim. 2:14). And yes, women are often more easily deceived. But this, too, is not without purpose. The same softness that allows us to be more easily swayed also allows us to be intuitive, sympathetic, emotionally attuned—gifts vital to nurturing children, building relationships, and supporting our husbands. Our vulnerabilities and our strengths are interwoven. Were we not sensitive, we would not so easily sense the needs of others.

So rather than despise the ways in which you feel lacking—whether in strength, intellect, eloquence, or certainty—recognize that even these can be a gift when surrendered. “God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the strong” (1 Cor. 1:27). God designed us to be fitted together with others, not to be complete on our own. We were made to reflect His image, not our own (Gen. 1:27).

The entire creation testifies to the reality of structure and order—of roles that shine and roles that support. The moon doesn’t resent the sun. The roots don’t envy the blossoms. The violin doesn’t wish to be the drum or the trumpet. Each fulfills its role in harmony with the others, submitted to the direction of the Great Conductor.

Submission only becomes demeaning when we’re longing to display ourselves. But when we long for Christ to be made visible, then submission becomes a joy. (Col. 3:3). We’re not ashamed to be hidden in Him—we cherish it. Because we carry a part of His image, we’re fitted into His design to show the world who He truly is.

So don’t despise the complementarity between you and your husband. Don’t be jealous of his strengths or mournful over your differences. Let him be strong where you are weak. Let yourself be strong in the strengths given to a woman. Let the Spirit of God flow through both of you, knitting your puzzle pieces into a picture greater than either could reflect alone.

With all my love,

Mom